I'm not sure why I can't sleep tonight. I've had a full, wonderful weekend -- showing my best friends from Ohio all that Colorado life has to offer...I guess there are just times when your mind keeps you up even when your eyes and body are so sleepy.

The past few days I've been awake to the cost of my dreams.

I'm keenly aware of just how big my dreams are - the ones that I've tried to put to sleep, or at least mute for now...in the weakest moments, you try to silence them by settling, while all the long knowing it won't work... but they are embedded enough within your heart that in the quiet moments they creep back in.

And there is such a difference between idealistic dreams that you have when you are younger and anything seems possible...and then as you grow up a bit you realize that it's actually time to step into the things you've always claimed you wanted.

The jolting reality for me has been the cost of it all. Just because it's a dream doesn't mean it will come easy. I'm sure for some people that's nothing new. But for me, I've always been handed everything I wanted without much effort. Everything was always within reach.

Jesus is asking me to walk into a new stage. One where dreaming requires paying. Often in waiting, deep pain and honest evaluation of the heart. Saying no to the great enemy of God's best -- which is the "really really great".

Sometimes I feel like Jesus is calling my bluff on everything I say I've wanted when I see what that actually means.

There is no other option though. I can't stay asleep to the desires in my heart, I must fully embrace them and step forward into the pain to one day reach the goal.

It sounds really dramatic as I write it, but it feels so real within me.

I suppose everything deep and heartfelt in life sounds super cheesy if it's not viewed in the right light.

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