This week I had one of those realizations...you know...the ones that kind of hit you upside the head and give you a headache and make you tired for the rest of the week....
and yet...
You feel so alive because you aren't living under the weight of the lies that you've chosen to believe for so long. You feel actual freedom, and even though it's scary, you feel ALIVE....you feel REAL...you feel like you're actually being more fully yourself.
It's been a long time since I've came to grips with just how broken I am...that I've created so many walls to protect myself...thinking that there are keeping me safe, protecting me from the evil and pain that I've encountered too many times...from the pain I've caused others...from an existence that just doesn't care to serve me...or anyone...and just seems to run by it's own rules that aren't ever "fair".
And all the sudden, (by the loving, firm words of a friend and the confirmation of God's Spirit), I realized that all that my walls and vows were protecting me from was the fullness of what God has for me. The real freedom that He offers us. The abudant life.
And yes....yes sometimes that means pain, and confusion and trying to figure out the grey areas of life. But once I read that the problem with "protecting" yourself from pain by hardening your heart against it, is that it hardens you from the good, beautiful and wonderful things in life too. You can't choose and be selective to where your heart is hardening.
So, instead, I'm chosing to believe that what God says about himself in His Word is true. That He really is good. That He really knows me and cares, and has the best in mind for me. That He doesn't want me to be anxious, but encourages me to petition him and pray and ask...and to try to align myself with His will because it really is best. That I really really can trust Him.
It's a choice. But it's worth it.
2 comments:
Ah the joy of vague posts. Don't you know blogs are where the intimacy is at, sister?
Glad to hear you're enjoying the abundant life though.
Oh, and I wouldn't worry about taking any flak from Seth. He rarely updates and when he does he just talks about the naughty things underneath his bed.
That's the sad part Colin. People think that's a good substitute for real intimacy.
Sadly...or rather quite proudly...there are no shortcuts to my heart or to intimacy with me...so nope, no complete divulgences of my life...just a little tidbit here and there.
Hope you are getting a slice of the abudant life too.
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