Evang-a-dating

Today I was working on a presentation at one of those coffee shops that you speak in hushed tones while you are working...if you speak at all.

Except, for this swanky couple sitting on the couch deeply gazing into each other's eyes. They had a Bible out and were pouring over it. And talking very loudly. So of course I listened in. It wasn't long before I realized that the guy, who seemed to be a Christian, was participating in the age old ritual of evang-a-dating. In a somewhat sultry voice he was reading the scripture to his lady friend, and sharing with her who Jesus is. All the while making himself as desirable and flirtatious as possible.

It made me want to puke on my boots.

Saturday's

....are the day when I try to pretend like I'm not an adult yet...I actually for the past month have worn Cons every Saturday...mostly because they are forbidden "shoes that can float" at work. I also sleep in past my usual 5:30 wake up time...and just for the heck of it I eat a little junk food. I consider it rebelling against the life I've created for myself the other 6 days of the week. A sabbath from responsibility if you will.

Since I'm living with two dear friends, one of which is an old high school friend, I looked through his CD's and found a band I remember loving in high school. The nostalgic side of me is sad to report that I didn't enjoy it nearly as much. In fact I'm afraid that I had quite bad music taste at that point in my life :)

I think starting next week I'm going to try an hour of responsibility-less-ness a day, rather than pretending I'm five to ten years younger for a day.

An bit from my friend Grace's blog...(a quote from a quote. Awesome. Seth will love it.)

Simplicity is part of what it means to be a follower of Christ. Foster ends the book with statements that make tomorrow worth well worth living for, whether you are living cross-culturally in Africa or waking up in an American bed: “The joyful paradox in all this is while simplicity is complex it is also simple. In the final analysis we are not the ones who have to untangle all the intricacies of our complex world. There are not many things we have to keep in mind -in fact, only one: to attentive to the voice of the true Shepard. There are not many decisions we have to make -in fact, only one: to seek first his Kingdom and his righteousness. There are not many tasks we have to do -in fact, only one: to obey him in all things…Jesus invited people to share his yoke, adding that his yoke is easy and his burden is light. Our only task is to keep in step with him. He chooses to direct and leads the way. As we walk step by step with him, we soon discover that we have lost the crushing burden of needing to take care of ourselves and get our own way, and we discover that the burden is indeed light. We come into the joyful, simple life of hearing and obeying.”

Yesterday I made two purchases that I am fairly convinced improved the quality of my life:

1. Arrested Development Season One on DVD.

2. 450 Count Egyptian Cotton Sheets.

I am enjoying both of them right now.

Ah :)

Recovering when things are lost. ...

I had a realization last night.

I'd lost my dancing shoes.

Not literally of course. I will dance in any shoes, even if that mean turning my ankle repeatedly in really high heels on a stage in front of a few hundred people. (Yes that actually happened a few months ago. I think it was my most embarrassing moment.)

But last night a little crew of us went to a concert, which as a side note was really entertaining. There was the strangest man who was the singer for this band, "Panther" that opened up for Architecture in Helsinki. While he was singing and dancing (imagine continuous Elaine from Seinfield dancing), my new friend Steve and I were deliberating if he was on drugs...or needed to be because he was crazy. (Which brought up a point that I should explore in another blog - why do we pay lots of money to see musicians wig out on their drugs on stage?) But - then I realized that he was a little crazy, but also feeling so free to dance and be silly and enjoy himself. I was determined to find that place as well, despite a long week at work and my whole body and emotions being exhausted. So as Architecture in Helsinki came on I tried to find my dancing shoes...only to realize that I had shelved them at some point in the past few years, so that I had more room for "sensibility" and "maturity". Yuck. I've become boring I think. At least I'm bored with me in that sense. :)

I've decided I want to be the old woman who is always laughing from the belly...not afraid to dance in ANY sceanrio...and lives life with richness and fullness and constant adventure. I can't believe that I already let some of that die in me in my mid-twenties!

There's more than this.

Thank God there's more than this.

Seth LOVES when I publish quotes instead of my own thoughts...

As Dietrich Bonhoeffer wrote in his seminal work on Christian community, Life Together,

“Those who love their dream of a Christian community more than the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community even though their personal intentions may be ever so honest, earnest and sacrificial.”

I think I agree. I see that in work in me and my relationships sometimes too.

Thoughts from other people?

Suburban Scootering

A few days ago, I moved my scooter to the suburbs. Now, the minute anyone asks me about where I live, I'm quick to say that I adore the people that I live with...Brad and Kate (and their dog Luna) have been such a blessing and such incredible friends. What I miss though is the city. I love living in the middle of it all...never really having to go anywhere that is farther than my bike...or scooter...can take me.

So tonight Bobby, Missi and I decided to go see a movie at the cheap theatre. And I thought (with the coaxing of Missi)..."Damn it. I don't care if I'm in the suburbs. I'm taking my scooter to the movie theatre."

Wow. Sometimes I could use that little voice in my head saying "Don't do it!" to be a little louder.

But I'm kind of glad I didn't listen to that quiet voice on the other hand...sure...I was driving up a hill when my scooter wouldn't go more than 17 mph....and true, we were on Sheridan where the speed limit is 40. But it was an adventure. And really really funny. And I didn't die. :)

Oh the suburbs....

...oh my very weak scooter. It's like driving a glorified lawnmower.

I did it...

...took a full time job.

Oh my what am I thinking!?!?

We'll call this my expirement with a schedule. :) I'm not sure how that's going to work out.

New adventures to come...

...it's amazing how nervous I am!

Thriller Part Two

Tim found this one...it's way way way creepier than you are ready for.

Thriller lives on...

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=879021&fr=&cache=1

Reminders..

Do you ever have a moment where something you should just know all the time hits you out of nowhere and you suddenly are shocked by the remeberance of it?

Tonight I was sitting with a group of dear friends...smoking the hookah, drinking some drinks in honor of our British friends who are visiting from London. As I sat there, waiting patiently for my next turn with the hookah, I was filled with excitement watching James meet all the incredible people who were there. And then it hit me. I get to see these people all the time. I have AMAZING friends. Alot of them. Some people are blessed to meet one or two people that they really connect with -- share life with -- who really really understand them. I have so many of those, who joined us that night and who were sitting in other places all over this city. How did I ever become entangled with all these absolutely fantastic people?!

I am a lucky girl.

And I need to remember more often just how blessed I am.

I moved here exactly five years ago today.


That's a strange thing.

Five years ago, I was bright eyed and bushy tailed. 19. On an adventure to another state with people I barely knew, but had already took up a great deal of space in my heart. I had no idea what the heck I was doing. I came with two carfuls of stuff and a few friends that drove me out to help. All I knew is that I wanted to come out here because... so oddly...in a dream... God had spoken to me that He wanted to change the world... but my part was to move out to Denver Colorado, and help other people who wanted to change that corner of the world. So, I dropped everything and came.

It's absolutely impossible to summarize the past five years. There is no one word, one phrase...not even a simple picture that I can give to encapsulate it all. Believe me, I've been trying all day. There have been a million moments -- laughing so hard that I cry...crying so hard that I end up laughing...meeting the most fantastic people ever....watching lives change, lives ruin, and every step in between. Falling in love -- with a city, with people, with life...and most of all with Jesus. My dad being diagnosed with cancer. My best friends meeting the people that they wanted to spend the rest of their lives with. Graudating from art school. Trips...Mexico, Italy, England twice, ... Seattle... North Carolina, California... Waco, Texas....Atlanta...each of those places are major stories in themselves. Living with so many people -- Kate, Jontee, Bethany, Kristi, Christy, Jolene, Lindsey, Missi, Angie, Jolene, Bethany, Christina, Skyler, Seth, Heather, Scott, Jeremy, Caleb, Brad, Kate, Murielle, Renee, Sarah, Allison (24 people...that HAS to be a record for a five year period!).

Learning. By grace. And sometimes the hard way.

I had no idea the adventure that I was in for.

But it makes me want to be ready for whatever the next adventure looks like. Maybe that means continuing the adventure here. Or elsewhere. I dunno. Pete and I decided tonight that Pete, Amy and I should plant a church in South Africa or England. Sounds good to me :). Or something. That's the funny thing about these sorts of things...it like for me at least I don't get to choose them. They choose me....the adventure...the calling...whatever you want to call it. The adventure calls out, and there is nothing you can do but run full force toward it.

Thinking back on the past five years makes me want to always be that brave. To say yes to the dreams that creep up in my heart...or literally in my dreams. To trust Jesus as He writes the story in me and through me. To go forward even when you don't know where you're going. To believe in the maps you hold even if they seem conflicting.

To keep walking when for all you can tell you don't have a map at all.

Lions and tigers and ....hippos....oh my.

Last night I had a very strange dream that was totally a combination of my last conversations and thoughts before I went to bed...the best part though, was the section of my dream where I was in Africa, with my friend Andrea, on a safari.

We were on a safari in South Africa, though for some reason, there was only me, Andrea and one other person, and it seemed that Andrea was the closest thing that I had to a tour guide. Suddenly, we looked across and there were two hippos charging our way. Andrea made us hit the ground and play dead. Apparently, this is the only way to be safe from a hippo attack. As we waited as the hippos approached us and then slowly started to sniff all around us, Andrea told me that if we played dead, they wouldn't eat us, but I totally didn't believe her. I remember thinking, "I really never thought I'd die from a hippo attack on a safari. Crazy." Then she let me know that if they started to nibble on my shoulders, that was the first sign that they would eat me anyhow. I woke up as they were starting to nibble on my shoulders!

I did some internet research this morning, and although hippos are considered the most deadly animal in Africa due to their aggression towards humans, there was no articles on how to prevent a hippo attack.

Since I'm going to Africa later this year, I'm going to hope that either a.) that wasn't a prophetic insight into how I'm going to die there on a safari or b.) I was getting some divine revelation on how to survive a hippo attack that hasn't yet been leaked onto the internet.

:)

Or I shouldn't watch Man vs. Wild with Brad and Kate before I go to bed next time. Haha.

I've had a couple of silly posts lately, but tonight at womens' group we were looking at a chapter in the book of Luke in the Bible. Basically, Jesus goes back to where He grew up, after preforming all these incredible miracles - healing people, releasing demons from people, raising people from the dead.

When he gets back to his hometown, people are really doubtful that's he's as incredible as the stories they've heard. They know Jesus -- they were around when he was getting his diapers changed and going through the ackward teenage years. That guy is now doing miracles? Yeah right. And Jesus responds by saying that of course people don't get honor in their hometown...he expects this from them.

It's easy to look at the people from where he grew up and think that they are being shortsighted or just plain dumb. But I was thinking about it and I wonder if it was just too hard to imagine Jesus outside of the box that they had comfortably put him in. It was easy to imagine him as a carpenter, brother and son that they had always known. It took alot more effort to imagine him as a Healer, Messiah and Saviour.

So it brought me back to myself and the way I view Jesus. Am I willing to keep Jesus in the little boxes that I've put him in? Consider him only in context of the ways I'm famliar and comfortable with (aka my "hometown" for Jesus)...or am I willing to honor him by letting him reveal the fullness of who he is.

Because the truth is, Jesus isn't honored when I keep him small, safe and comfortable. He's not honored when I try to keep him in the box of how I understand him.

And I don't want to serve a God so small that I can wrap my mind around him anyway!

I must allow him to teach me new things...bring me to new places...and experience parts of him that I never have before, so that I can know him more fully and in reality. But, that means that he must do new things so that I can understand him more fully. If he doesn't operate outside my box and my understanding I'll always see him in the same small ways.

And I pray that he'll keep me on my toes as I race to understand more about him. That he'll save me from my small perspective and safe grounds so that I can experience his fullness -- and in that laugh all my laughter and weep all my tears. Experience it all...and all of Him.

Quick Question...

...

Why is it that "good" guys fashion causes me to question as I drive down the street:

"Is that a guy with great fashion sense ... or a homeless man?"

There is something wrong with the world.

Or maybe just with me.

...

Late Night Laughs

A few years ago there was a snow storm in the spring.

A blizzard in fact.

Odd things happened that day. Hours of watching movies, smoking hookahs, drinking special hot chocolate before noon...and watching two DVD's of Michael Jackson DVDS. Some vows were made -- when each of us got married, we would preform the Thriller dance as an important traditional part of the reception.

This year, we had the amazing pleasure of learning the dance with about 15 friends, (maybe more...I'm bad with numbers), and getting to preform at two of the crew's weddings.

And if I do say so myself...we kicked ass at it. It was a beautiful masterpiece...or something :)

I thought perhaps we were creative and unique...but tonight I'm having some trouble falling asleep tonight, so somehow, in the way that is only capable in late night internet searchs, I found myself on YouTube...viewing MANY other weddings doing the thriller dance.

It is SO funny I can barely explain it. You need to search YouTube for this. One video even made it on to Good Morning America!

Oh...deep laughter is so great...particularly when you are laughing so hard at almost one in the morning, but you're trying to quiet yourself down so you don't wake up sleeping roomates.

It's been a good night.

Love the old tunes that still speak so much truth

(...and yaye for listening Sufjan Steven's Christmas album in June...)

Come Thou Fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing Thy grace;
Streams of mercy, never ceasing,
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet,
Sung by flaming tongues above.
Praise the mount! I'm fixed upon it,
Mount of God's unchanging love.

Here I raise my Ebenezer;
Hither by Thy help I'm come;
And I hope, by Thy good pleasure,
Safely to arrive at home.
Jesus sought me when a stranger,
Wandering from the fold of God;
He, to rescue me from danger,
Interposed His precious blood.

O to grace how great a debtor
Daily I'm constrained to be!
Let that grace now like a fetter,
Bind my wandering heart to Thee.
Prone to wander, Lord, I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.

I'm moving. Again.

Yesterday I started the awful process of moving again. I giggled as I arrived at Brad and Kate's house with a few suitcases and duffle bags full of clothes, realizing that it was a little like going backwards in time.

I guess I never realized that it's pretty true that sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards.

You see, about six months ago, I moved out of Brad and Kate's house after a several month stay in their lovely home. They are two of the most fantastic people I've ever lived with, let alone just known. They never stopped making me laugh (they are quite "punny"), or in general just helping me think and sort through life. And then I moved in with four other wonderful gals in a house about 3 miles east...I guess I never realized that in the meantime... that little hiatus of living with Brad and Kate...some things changed in me. It's hard to describe exactly what happened -- why as I've been in my house with the gals for the past six months, I've just known that something wasn't right here for me. And even when I try to describe it to people all I can really say is that I guess I just am in a different stage of life that I thought that I was.

So, as I pack all my stuff back up to go back to Brad and Kate's...my sort of in between...growing grounds...something in me is hopeful in a weird way. I think it's because there are so many times in my life where I feel like nothing is happening...I'm not growing...there is no progress being made. And if I can't see progress in purpose in my life, I get really down. But I think that sometimes we don't even realize the deep works that God is doing IN us....behind the scenes...quietly. Growing us up. Preparing us for what's next. And in some ways, going backwards is the way forward...you realize that you don't belong in the past anymore. And that's refreshing.

Lately I've been praying that I won't stay in any season a day too long. And at the same time that I would embrace and soak in everything that each season provides for me. You can't go back. You only get to do each once.

Today.

I am having one of those days where my room feels safe and I don't really want to leave.

I guess it's nice to work for yourself. No one cares if you don't get out of bed to work.

Wide Awake

Usually I have the problem of waking up at 6 am and not being able to go back to sleep. Tonight I seem to have the problem of not being able to get to sleep.

Equally lame.

Tonight at my women's group I spent some time thinking about "impossible" things. We were talking about Abraham and when God called him (Gen 12) how ridiculous the whole thing was -- he was being promised all these things that were nearly impossible to reconcile to his current circumstances, by a God that he had never met before.

It really was one of those eye opening moments, where I realized that I have been so lucky to have a track record of God showing up and doing amazing things in my life. Time and time again as He's promised me things -- things that seemed crazy at the time -- He has delivered and those things have happened. I'm seeing even more of that in this season of my life than ever before. And yet I continue to not trust Him over and over again -- spend my time worrying and making "Plan B"...and "Plan C"...and "Plan D" (just in case, of course).

It's exciting to remember...again...that I can dream big...and that even those dreams probably pale in comparison to all God has promised and the surprises He has in store.

addendum

i went through the carwash again today. with my car. that's how much i love it. i would do it again if it weren't night time and all the carwashs were closed. and i suppose i would need another car to wash. it would be silly to do mine again. i guess i could ride my scooter through, but that would be a whole different type of expierence and not one i'm sure i'm up for yet. maybe when it's really hot outside. we'll see.

Today is a really good day...

1. It is freaking beautiful outside. I love the sunshine and 70 degree weather...ahh. You can't beat Colorado in the spring.

2. I got to take Jenn's car through the carwash today. I know that it sounds silly, but I love the carwash. Really really really love it. Like so much that I was giggling with glee and it made my entire day. I think it's something about the feeling of being enclosed and getting to watch all the interesting patterns on the windows from the soap suds. Really guys, it's the little things that bring me joy.

3. I am waiting with eager antipication to hear back from Anthropologie. Even though I'm so nervous, I'm really excited too.

4. It is spring. (See #1)

5. I suppose that's all. I'm just in a good mood.

:)

Stole this from the lovely Kate's blog...I love it...

"When Love beckons to you follow him,
Though His ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God's sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life's heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, "God is in my heart," but rather, I am in the heart of God."
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips. "
kahlil gabran

---------------------

I really like the part about "Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears."

There are times when I'm glad that Jesus gives us the abudant life in Him. That we laugh all of our laughter and weep all of our tears. Even when it hurts and even when in the moment you wish that everything in life were different...because there is such beauty in abudance and depth.

I feel like I've gotten a taste of that lately. Abudance. It's one of those upside down things about living life with Jesus...that you find yourself loving the things that you thought you would hate. And you find life in all sorts of corners that you never knew about if you didn't journey a bit.

Lately, I think God's been speaking to me about my dreams being too small. For some of you who know me that might sound weird...I'm totally a dreamer. But, I think there's even more abudance...more laughter...more tears...than I've even hoped and dreamed for. I'm pretty thankful for that.

What I've been up to...a visual representation.

We went to England. (Wrote a bunch about this in the last post, so I won't go too into detail). Suffice it to say, I'd like to still be in that week right now.

This is Josh, Carrie, Nathan and I in England. Part of our team of wildness and fun. It was obvious whenever the American's entered the room...or the Tube...or the train. Americans are rowdy and we are no exception.

Got to see my dear dear Marcus. Found out that I think we are stealing him again for the summer. I'm not sure that there is much more in the world that can make me happier. I am counting down the days.

Went to Skyler's cabin this week with a little crew. The ride up there was life threatening....once we finally got to Red Feather, Tim's car got stuck in a huge snow bank and we had to walk a really sad walk with all our crap into the cabin. For some reason it reminded me of the movie Babel...walking walking walking. Falling. Of course, we all know I have a flair for the dramatic at times. Anyway, these are our "happy" faces.

In the end, we really did have a great time. Nothing like a group of wonderful friends in a snow covered cabin to bring a little much needed joy to a gal.


That's it for now!

Jet laaagggggggg......

It's probably not the safest time to write. As I experienced several times on this trip, being really really tired causes you to not have a great sense of boundaries of what you should and shouldn't say :).

Quick update, since I have become one of those terribly boring bloggers that never actually blogs.

1. Went to the UK for two weeks. It was great. Did all of the fun touristy things like going to my first ever real show --The Lion King, riding the London Eye, going to the Tate Modern, walking a million miles a day, and constantly grimacing as I spent over twice as much for every meal compared to what I would in America.

2. Also went to a few conferences while I was there -- needless to say, they rocked my socks off (now there is a phrase that would only come out in this amount of sleepyness). I can give you more details about those in person.

3. I have realized through this trip a few things that I love about the States -- the fact that my shower is as large as many of the cars in England, that I have easy access to basic things like flat sheets for bed and heat all hours of the day, the streets in my neighborhood that are twice as wide as any street in England....my crew at the church. There really is no one like them in the world.

4. There are also a few things that I would like to bring back from England -- cheap and tasty Indian food, Chinatown (that's right, the whole thing), fat British babies with rosie cheeks, small children that are just learning to talk but repeat "Hello love!" over and over again. Ellie and Marcus Mumford....a good use of vocabularly in everyday conversation. The phrase: "Get in!"

5. Jet lag causes really weird dreams. Just an hour ago I was dreaming that I could talk to a cat named Sophie who was evil and trying to get my very expensive fish. I also was trying to call Nottingham from London but couldn't find my cell phone (this is an obvious connection to most of my thoughts right now -- I have yet AGAIN lost my cell phone.)

6. I am tired and can't write any more.

Less posts = more life.

That's a good thing these days.

Leaving for England in the morning.

Sweet.